


Never Let Go

by pandorabox82



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 15:09:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1692806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>David had promised Erin that he would never her go. She was going to have to hold onto that promise in the dark hours after his death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Let Go

Erin sighed lightly as she put the dishes in the washer. She had been worried about David all day, since he had decided to stay home from this latest case, claiming that he didn't feel all that well. And really, he didn't look well, his skin had a slightly grey tinge to it, and he had been short of breath ever since they came home.

Finally, the washer was loaded, and she made her way upstairs to the bedroom they shared when he was home. It had been odd getting used to living with him, but she found that they fit together quite well. And she loved him, that more than made up for any fights they had. Opening the door, she found him sitting on the bed, rubbing his chest absently. "I told you the tomato sauce would give you heartburn this late at night," she said with a smile as she began to undress.

"I just didn't think it would be this bad, bella." He grimaced at her, and she shook her head as she closed the distance between them, pressing her lips softly against his. "Come to bed?"

"I have to finish changing, luv."

"Let's sleep naked tonight."

Sighing, she nodded, slipping her skirt off her hips and letting it pool on the floor. "I never did this when I was with Alan, you know. Only you call out this inner carnality in me."

"I knew it was buried in there somewhere. I just had to draw it out of you. I love you."

"I love you, too." She kissed him once more before shimmying out of her bra and panties. "Stand up, let me undress you." He nodded slowly and she helped him up, making short work of his clothing, leaving it on the floor. It was Friday, after all, and they could sleep in tomorrow, take care of things tomorrow. Together, they lay down on the bed, and Erin spooned herself up tightly against him, bringing his arm up around her waist. "I was thinking that tomorrow we could go to the botanical garden. If you're feeling better, that is."

"That sounds nice, Erin." He nuzzled his nose in her hair, breathing in deeply. "I'm almost glad that I wasn't feeling well today. Now I get to spend extra time with you. Ever since the Replicator almost took you from me, I've found that I can't stand being away from you. I haven't felt this way since Carolyn."

She sighed happily, turning in his arms so that she could see him. "I'm getting clingy like that, too. I never want to let go of you."

"Then don't." He kissed her sweetly and she smiled against his lips before yawning deeply. "Go to sleep, bella. I'll be here in the morning."

Erin nodded, letting him cuddle her in close to him. As her eyes fluttered closed, she smiled, content and safe in her beloved's arms.

She woke up before the alarm the next morning, a weird sense of heaviness covering her. Blinking rapidly, she tried to move, but found that David was on top of her. "Davie, wake up," she murmured, reaching out to shake him awake. His skin was so cool to the touch and she felt her brow wrinkle in confusion. "David?"

Finally, she managed to get him onto his back and she sat up, looking down on him. From the first glance, she could tell that he wasn't breathing, and she struggled not to burst into sobs. Reaching across his body, she quickly dialed 911, and waited for the operator to pick up. "911, what is your emergency?"

"My beloved, I can't wake him up, and he's not breathing."

Erin broke down as she heard the woman tapping away on her keyboard. "All right, I have you on Hooligan Drive, is that correct?"

"Yes," she managed to choke out.

"And have you tried CPR?"

"I don't know if it would do any good. He's so cold." Fresh tears began to stream down her face and she rocked back and forth. "We fell asleep nude. What do I do?"

"Ma'am, everything will be all right. Pull on something for when the paramedics come. They should be there in about seven minutes. If you are able to, get a pair of underwear on your lover. Would you like me to stay on the line until they get there?"

"Yes, please." She sounded so lost, so scared, even to her own ears, and she wondered what the woman thought of her. "Would you, would you tell me that everything will be okay? I'm a recovering alcoholic, and I really want to go down to his study and knock back an entire bottle of bourbon."

Somehow, it was easy to be honest with this anonymous woman, and she heard the soft sound she made in the back of her throat, a comforting gesture that any mother might do. "Ma'am, you do not need to do that. In time, everything will be okay, I promise you." Those tender words managed to ease Erin's heart a little, and she nodded as she climbed out of their bed and padded over to the armoire. It was difficult to tug on a pair of panties as she listened to the woman speak about strength and holding on, but she managed to do it before somehow getting into a dress that pulled on over her head.

"I think I hear the sirens. Thank you for talking to me, I really appreciate it."

"It was my pleasure, Ma'am. Be safe." They hung up and Erin set the phone aside, quickly running down the stairs and to the door. The paramedics were carrying their equipment and she wordlessly led them up to where her beloved rested.

"I didn't have time to dress him. Would one of you please do that for me?"

The shorter man nodded, and she rummaged through his underwear drawer, pulling out her favorite pair of boxers and handing them over. "There are no signs of life," the taller man said and this brought forth a fresh round of tears in Erin. She buried her face in her hands and tried to bring forth a happy memory of them together in her mind.

"Ma'am, I'm going to call the coroner now. Did he seem all right last night?"

She looked up into the round face of the shorter EMT and shook her head. "No, he was ill, and we came home from work early. I thought he had really bad heartburn last night, he kept rubbing his chest. Oh, god, he was having a heart attack, wasn't he? I killed him by not calling an ambulance last night."

The man opened his arms and she fell into them, letting him hold onto her as she sobbed. "No, you just thought he had heartburn. This is not your fault. Do you have anyone I could call?"

"P-Penelope Garcia. She's in our contact list. She should be in the office by now. She has to help Aaron and his team hunt down the Unsub. How do I tell them?" She began to hyperventilate, and shuffled over to their bed, sitting heavily with the man. She looked up into his face. "You, you can't let this get onto the news. The paparazzi would be here in a heartbeat."

He looked back over at David's body and recognition dawned on his face. "That's David Rossi."

"Yes. My beloved, beloved, David. Take care of him for me?"

"Yes, I will." He let go of her and picked up the phone she had left behind. "Would you like me to call her?"

Erin slowly shook her head and took the phone from his hand. "Where will you be taking him? May I go along?"

"You don't want to see him like that, you really don't. Did he make any arrangements, in case something like this happened?"

She stopped to think. "He mentioned something about Pedersen Funeral Home taking care of everything."

"Then once the coroner has finished his job, he'll be taken there. I'm so very sorry for you loss."

Again, Erin nodded and looked through the contact list, tapping on Penelope's office number. After two rings, she picked up. "Office of Supreme Genius, how may I solve your dilemma today?"

"Pe-Penelope?"

"Erin? What's wrong, Buttercup?"

"I need you here. I can't tell you this over the phone, and then I'm going to need you to drive me somewhere."

"I'll be over in two shakes of a lamb's tail, honey. Just hold on, okay?"

"Okay." She hung up and watched the men wheel her lover out of the room. She couldn't bear to get up and follow after them, so instead she hugged herself and fell back on the bed. Her head came to rest on his pillow and she breathed in deeply, wanting to capture his scent in her memory.

"Erin? Dave?" She sat up as she heard Penelope's voice, glancing over at the clock. She sighed as she saw that thirty minutes had passed. "Where are you?"

"Up here." Her voice cracked as she called out to her, and she wiped the sand of sleep and tears from her eyes. Erin listened to Penelope's footfalls on the stairs and she struggled to not start crying once more. David would want her to be strong, after all, and strong people didn't cry this much.

The door to their bedroom swung open and then their friend was stepping into the room. "Erin? Honey, what's wrong? Where's Rossi?"

"They, they took him to, to the coroner's office. They think he had a heart attack last night." Penelope sat heavily on their bed, and Erin instinctively curled up against her, letting her wrap her arm around her waist and pull her close. "He's gone. He left me. I fought to stay when the Replicator hurt me. Why couldn't he fight? Why did he leave?"

"Shh, Erin, shh. I can't give you those answers, I'm not God." She felt Penelope's lips touch the crown of her head and Erin closed her eyes as she curled her hand into the silky fabric of the woman's shirt. "Now, where do we need to head?"

"The funeral home. I have to start arrangements. David's parents have already passed, and you know he had no children. Will, will you come with me? Will you help me?"

"Oh, Buttercup, are you craving?" She nodded, unashamed to let Penelope know. "I'm not going to leave your side, then. I almost let Reid slip away, I'm not going to let that happen again with one of my chickadees."

"I love you," Erin whispered, turning her face in towards Penelope.

"And you know I love you. Let's get a move on, now. The sooner we do this, the sooner we can start the healing process for you." Erin nodded and let Penelope help her up. "Do you want to put a bra on before we leave?"

"That would probably be a good thing. Thank you." She drifted over to her lingerie drawer and pulled out David's favorite bra. A fresh bout of tears burst out of her and she stepped behind the armoire to pull off her dress and tug on the bra. After redressing, she smoothed down her hair and clasped the hand that Penelope held out.

"Why did you call me and not your children?"

"You loved us both," was her quiet reply as they stepped out into the warm September sun. "I have some calls to make now. I have to call Sam and see if he can take over the case. I have to call Aaron, and get them back here. I have to call the Director and let him know." A numbness began to settle around her heart and she slipped into the passenger seat of Penelope's car, buckling the belt before throwing her head back against the seat. "I forgot my purse."

"One second, honey, and I'll go get it for you." She nodded absently, closing her eyes to block out the harsh light of the sun. It didn't take long for the woman to return to her and hand over her purse. "I put both your phones in there."

"Thank you." Once they were underway, she fished around in the purse and pulled out her phone. Scrolling through the contacts, she found Sam and called him quickly. "Hello, Agent Cooper."

"Ma'am. What can I do for you?"

He sounded confused and she sighed deeply. "I need you to take over for Agent Hotchner's team in Orlando. They need to come home."

"And are you all right, Ma'am?" His question was soft, caring, and she smiled a little.

"No, but I might be, in time. David died last night."

There was a short pause. "We can have wheel's up in twenty. Erin, take care of yourself."

"Thank you, Sam." They hung up and she took a deep breath. "And now the hardest part." She looked over at Penelope, and the woman gave her a sad smile, nodding gently.

"It will be fine, Erin. I'm here."

Drawing in another deep breath, she tapped on Aaron's number, letting the phone dial it as she brought it to her ear. "Hotchner."

"Aaron?"

"Chief Strauss? What can I do for you?"

She let out a choked laugh as he parroted Sam's earlier question. "Come home, please."

"We're in the middle of a case, we can't exactly drop it and come home." His voice was short and abrupt, as if he wasn't really listening to her. That didn't really surprise her, as he was right, they were in the middle of a case. "Can't it wait until we close this?"

"No, I'm afraid not. Sam Cooper's team is taking over for you, they should arrive in about ninety minutes."

"Why?"

"I need you here. David, David…I lost him, Aaron. He's gone."

"What?" She flinched a little at the hushed, strained, question. "How?"

"They think he had a heart attack. I woke up with him on me. He was so cold, so cold. Please, come home."

"As soon as the jet gets here, we'll be there. Where will you be?"

"Either at Pedersen Funeral Home or our house. I'm not sure yet. Call when you land. And call the Director, please. I don't think I could handle one more phone call today."

"Will do. I'm so sorry, Erin."

"Thank you." She hung up before he could say anything else and shoved her phone back in her purse, trying not to cry once more. Penelope remained quiet through the rest of the drive, but as soon as they had parked in the lot, she turned to her, staring at her. "What?"

"Come here." Penelope opened her arms and Erin scooted over so that she could rest her head against her chest. The steady beating of her heart soothed Erin's psyche a little and she rubbed her cheek against the smooth skin there. "You are loved, Erin. By Dave and me. And while he may be gone, I am here. I will be your friend and support."

"Thank you," she whispered and they got out of the car. She didn't begrudge the arm around her waist, or the way Penelope's thumb rubbed up and down her side. The touches seemed to ground her, keep her in the present, and she let herself be led into the funeral home.

"Can I help you?" Erin looked up into the soft brown eyes of the receptionist and nodded. "Did you just lose your loved one?" Again, she nodded, and the thin woman led them into a small parlor room. "I'll go get Dave."

She felt Penelope stiffen and shook her head slightly as they took a seat on the settee. "Dave Pedersen runs the home."

"Ah." They fell silent and Erin tried to keep from crying. Penelope reached out and clasped her hand tightly. "When are they coming home?"

"It'll take Sam and his team ninety minutes to get down there, and then another ninety back. Plus however long it takes to drive. Will you really stay by my side? I have no one."

"Oh, Erin." They turned to each other and she began to sob once more, holding on to Penelope tightly. "I will stay with you for as long as you need me. I promise."

"I don't know if I can believe in promises anymore. Davie promised he'd be here in the morning, and now he's gone." They heard a discreet cough and Erin looked up as Penelope let go of her. "Hello, Mr. Pedersen."

"Erin. I just got the call from the coroner's office. I was sorry to hear about what happened. I assume we're going to have a Catholic funeral?"

She nodded and sighed, burrowing close to Penelope once more. "That's what I was thinking. He mentioned something about your having the details already?"

"Yes, I do. Just so you know, there's a new plot in his section of the graveyard. One of his last requests was that there be room for you, if you wanted that." His tender voice soothed her as she nodded. "All right, I'll make a note of that in your file."

"Wait, you have a file on her?" Penelope asked, tightening her arm around Erin's waist.

"Well, yes. David took care of everything in advance, so you wouldn't have to worry about that later on. Your children will just have to fill in the spaces."

This final, caring, act from her beloved caused a hard knot to form in her throat, and she nodded, unable to speak. "All right, so where do we go from here?" Penelope asked for her.

"Well, there's music, visitation, writing up the obituary, deciding if we want a public or private funeral, along with picking readings and what not. Where would you like to begin?"

"With visitation," Erin finally murmured. "I don't want it to be public. He was public too much in his life, and I don't want any gawkers there, intruding on our sorrow. If they really care, they'll make a donation in his memory to the ALS Association. I assume that you have some semblance of an obituary already written up?" He nodded. "Good. Make sure you include Carolyn and James in it."

It became easy to dull the pain and talk through the details. This was something she was good at, and they were soon done, settled on a date and time for the funeral, as well as a location. Dave smiled as they all stood. "I'll send Joyce over about six to pick up the outfit you want him to wear, then, Erin. Take care."

"I will. Thank you." She let him hug her tightly, seeming to crave the contact from everyone, it seemed. "I'll see you Thursday, then." He nodded and she stepped back into the protective halo of Penelope's presence. Hand in hand, they walked back out to the car and she slipped in the back seat, curling up on the bench as her friend drove her home.

"They're here already, hun. Do you feel up to facing them?"

Erin sat up, looking at the group gathered on the front porch. "I have to get this over with." They stepped out of the car and it seemed like Penelope was instantly at her side, her arm resting lightly around her waist.

"I have you, Erin. We're in this together." She nodded at those words, taking a deep breath. She pulled out her keys and unlocked the door, silently passing the group by. "Come on in, we'll gather in the den."

The others murmured their agreement and Erin stopped in the foyer as they passed her. A large, warm, hand spread across her back and she looked up into sad brown eyes. "We had a good tail-wind, Erin."

She nodded before leaning against Derek's chest, letting the tears come once more. "Thank you for coming."

"I wouldn't leave you on your own. But my Baby Girl has your back, too, doesn't she?" Erin nodded as he began to rub her back in gentle circles. "Are we going to be spending time here, then?"

"Yes. The house will be so empty without people to fill it up. Oh, god, I don't think I can do this, Penny. Just, just, tell them about the heart attack, and the funeral plans, and everything. I'm going to go upstairs and…" She began to feel woozy and her knees buckled. Derek easily caught her, holding her close to his chest.

"I'll take her up to the bedroom." She felt Derek bend and kiss Penelope gently and then he was carrying her up the stairs. "First door on the right, right?" She nodded against his chest and listened to him sigh as he opened the door.

The room smelt like him and she began to cry once more. "Will you sit with me until I go to sleep? I don't want to be alone."

"Yes, Erin. And I'll send Penelope up to you before you wake up. We'll take care of you, okay?" She nodded tiredly as he helped her beneath the covers, tucking her in. Leaning over, he gently kissed her forehead. "Sleep now, Erin. One of us will be here when you wake up."

"Promise me?"

"I promise." She let her eyes close as he sat down next to her stroking her hair gently and soothing her into the healing arms of sleep. Erin felt Derek kiss her forehead and she sighed deeply, wishing that his lips were her David's, that she could wake up and it would all be a nightmare. She knew, though, that this was her new reality and that she had to become accustomed to it. David would want her to. And she loved him enough to do that for him.


End file.
